Vows to a Best Friend

To my best friend,

Every Lucy needs an Ethel. And this one is to mine.

Clink, clink.

I can’t stand the cheesy and vague words that roll out of people’s mouths after that glass clinks. Toasts can be painfully boring and long. Sometimes empty and broad. Absolutely always cheesy.

However, as I have gotten older, I have become more and more aware of time and its fleetness. I’m reminded of the many “Lucy” moments I’ve had through the years, when my friends have had to jump in as Ethel to save me from my own crazy. I love to brag about those special friends. And when I hear people talk about how thankful they are to me, I feel all warm inside, tears well up in my eyes, and I get this dumb grin on my face.

So, here’s to you and that dumb grin you’re about to have, best friend. Rather than vague, all-encompassing statements of appreciation for you, I vow the following specific things to you and to us:

  1. When they run out of bread in a restaurant, I’ll split the last piece with you (and sneak myself the bigger half).
  2. When you call me after work and complain about your job for 24 minutes, I’ll listen inventively, because the next 24 minutes will be me doing the same.
  3. When you get stuck on a roller coaster and can’t get out, I’ll call for a supervisor and then take pictures of you on my iPhone for safe-keeping.
  4. When you hate someone that I don’t know, I’ll look them up on Instagram and make fun of their stupid captions.
  5. When you drink too much at a party, I will hold your hair back. And then throw up over your head out of sympathy.
  6. When you encounter weird bodily functions, I will go with you to the Pharmacy and convince you that Dr. Google was lying about your fatal disease.
  7. When you go on vacation, I’ll pack for you because I know you’ll forget random things like a strapless bra and contact solution.
  8. When we go out on a Saturday night and accidentally match, I will take on all the judgmental looks and embrace being twinzies.
  9. When there’s an emergency, I will find solstice in knowing I can break into your email, bank accounts, and social media, because I know your passwords for everything.
  10. When you’re contemplating buying something that’s isn’t the greatest, I’ll lovingly tell you that you look like a dummy.
  11. When you get married and your fiancé says he’s marrying his best friend, we’ll nudge each other and giggle, because we know neither of us can break the truth to him.
  12. When your feelings are really bruised and you didn’t deserve it at all, I’ll bring you wine and crank up your hype song.
  13. When your feelings are really bruised and you really did deserve it, I’ll hug you and tell you that sometimes you’re the worst. But I vow to stand by you even then.
  14. When you’ve lost your way and don’t know how to get back, I will remind you of you inner strength, tenacity, and spirit.
  15. When you think you’re silly for dreaming so big, I’ll shove your journal in your face and tell you to dream even bigger.

And if ever there comes a day when you can’t see the silver lining, I vow to light it up for you and help you face the storm clouds. If ever there comes a time when it feels like you can’t say it to anyone, I vow to listen. I will not judge. I will love you wholeheartedly.

The next time you need a toast, I won’t hold back. I will be the one in the crowd with the tears in my eyes, clinking the glass eagerly, dumb grin and all.

Cheers to you, best friend, and all your endeavors. Lucy’s better with Ethel.

Sincerely yours,

Your best friend

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